Counseling, Lake Norman Counselors

What to Say When There Are No Words

What to say when you have no words: How to talk to your children about difficult topics

As many of us are reflecting on the tragedy that occurred in our city yesterday, please do not neglect the importance of talking to your kids about what happened.

Children are innately receptive to the well being of their caregivers and can pick up on the grief and nervous energy that will be among us as they return to school.

Give your child age appropriate, factual information so that if they overhear their peers or teachers discussing this tragedy they will feel informed. Remind them of the safety plans that are in place at their school and reassure them that they know the drill.

It brings tears to my eyes to even fathom that we now have active shooter drills in schools. So remember, it is ok to tell your child, “It makes me feel sad to talk about shootings, but I am really glad that we can talk about topics that upset us.”

If your child has questions that you are not quite sure how to answer or that you don’t have an answer for reflect what your child is feeling. For example, your child may ask, “mommy, why would somebody want to shoot other people?” you could say something like, “It is really hard to understand why someone would hurt others.”

Do what you need to in order to get yourself into a calm, controlled state and then initiate this conversation with your child. Stay brief, stay factual, and follow your child’s lead. If you don’t know how to answer your child’s questions you can always say, “I do not have an answer for that, what do you think the answer is?” or “tell me more about what you’re thinking.” Many times children already have the answers to their own questions and it is more important that you are listening as they process the answer than it is to give them your answer.

Some children ask many questions and other children say, “ok” and return to their play. Regardless, what is important is that you’re teaching your child that you are willing to talk about difficult topics. Nothing is more reassuring to a child than knowing their caregivers can handle their thoughts and feelings. 

For more information on this or how to talk with your kids about other difficult topics please reach out to us at LKN Counselors! 

Lake Norman Counselors, Providers

Mazza’s Moving Mountains

Hello everyone! I’m Madison Mazza, and I’m the newest member of the LKN Counselors family. I’m very excited to start working with teens, adults, and couples in the Lake Norman area!

I just moved to North Carolina from West Virginia, so there has been a lot of change in my life recently. Although change can be scary, it can also be very exciting and necessary to lead a more fulfilling life. I know many clients who come to counseling will also be experiencing or trying to enact change, whether it be in their personal life, work life, or social life! I think it’s comforting to know that we all go through periods of change (and growth!) and having that validation and support from others can make a world of difference. I look forward to working with clients who feel like they’re in a transitional state and want guidance and support through that process.

Speaking of support, I come from an Italian background where family has been such an important part of my life. I think having any type of support system (this does not have to be family whatsoever!) can help us navigate through life’s twists and turns. Support can come in all shapes and sizes and can even include your counselor, which is a big component of the therapeutic relationship in my eyes.

Being Italian, we also have a huge love and passion for food. Anything with carbs will do. I love to cook and bake, and I especially love to eat and try new foods!

As a native West Virginian, our motto “Montani Semper Liberi,” which translates to “Mountaineers are Always Free” has really resonated with me throughout my life. Being free from life’s pressures and stress takes time and a lot of hard work. But I truly believe this is possible! We often prioritize our physical health and leave our mental health on the back burner. We value beauty and physical fitness as a culture, but forget how important it is to put the same value on our self-care and mental health. This is especially important since we can get lost in daily stressors so easily. Freeing yourself from the stressors and chains that keep you from being the best you possible is the ultimate goal, and I’m excited and honored to be a part of that journey!

The LKNC family has welcomed me with open arms and it feels so close to home that I know the change that is happening will be well worth it. And the changes that you can make through counseling will also be well worth it! Country roads will always take me home, and I’ll always be a “Mountain Mama,” but being a Lake Norman girl sounds pretty great too!