Counseling, Lake Norman Counselors

What to Say When There Are No Words

What to say when you have no words: How to talk to your children about difficult topics

As many of us are reflecting on the tragedy that occurred in our city yesterday, please do not neglect the importance of talking to your kids about what happened.

Children are innately receptive to the well being of their caregivers and can pick up on the grief and nervous energy that will be among us as they return to school.

Give your child age appropriate, factual information so that if they overhear their peers or teachers discussing this tragedy they will feel informed. Remind them of the safety plans that are in place at their school and reassure them that they know the drill.

It brings tears to my eyes to even fathom that we now have active shooter drills in schools. So remember, it is ok to tell your child, “It makes me feel sad to talk about shootings, but I am really glad that we can talk about topics that upset us.”

If your child has questions that you are not quite sure how to answer or that you don’t have an answer for reflect what your child is feeling. For example, your child may ask, “mommy, why would somebody want to shoot other people?” you could say something like, “It is really hard to understand why someone would hurt others.”

Do what you need to in order to get yourself into a calm, controlled state and then initiate this conversation with your child. Stay brief, stay factual, and follow your child’s lead. If you don’t know how to answer your child’s questions you can always say, “I do not have an answer for that, what do you think the answer is?” or “tell me more about what you’re thinking.” Many times children already have the answers to their own questions and it is more important that you are listening as they process the answer than it is to give them your answer.

Some children ask many questions and other children say, “ok” and return to their play. Regardless, what is important is that you’re teaching your child that you are willing to talk about difficult topics. Nothing is more reassuring to a child than knowing their caregivers can handle their thoughts and feelings. 

For more information on this or how to talk with your kids about other difficult topics please reach out to us at LKN Counselors! 

Lake Norman Counselors

Hurrication: No One Prepares for Katrina

Sunday, August 28, 2005. It was a beautiful, sunny day & I was with my best friend and surrogate family at Percy Quin campground in Mississippi. It was such a beautiful day, we were delaying our departure a bit so for the first time since Friday, I turned on my cellphone.

Seventeen voicemails…

Seemed a little higher than normal…

The first was from the guy I was “talking to” at the time. But the second, third, fourth, fifth – all from my mother. In escalating panic, she started to paint an ugly picture. I started to delete through some of them to get to the last messages.

I hurried to the last two messages. Message 16: Mom – Category 5 storm heading straight for New Orleans to hit tomorrow. Message 17: Mom – Contra-flow has begun. I can’t get you even if I wanted to – you’re on your own.

August 28th… It was a gorgeous day. Picturesque. My “uncle” was grilling. The kids were playing. The sun was warm and breeze was refreshing. And I had to go break the news that was going to ruin the day for everyone – Katrina is coming.

We wouldn’t return to Percy Quin, when the pictures above were taken, until 2009. Four years later.

We also didn’t return home from that trip.

You see, even if we had known, our “Hurrication” attitude would’ve prohibited us from proper preparation. No one prepares to lose everything they own.

No one prepares to have their community devastated. It’s hard to mentally prepare or even understand the impact of everyone being hit – your teachers, the grocer, your hairdresser, the cute guy who called last Sunday & asked you out to a restaurant that’s indefinitely closed.

No one prepares for Katrina. No one prepares for Harvey or Hugo or Sandy.

Maybe we expect some rain or power outages. We don’t expect our lives to change forever. Until you’ve been through a Katrina or Harvey or Hugo or Sandy and your life does change forever.

So Charlotte, I hope that Florence comes and goes peacefully. I hope the name “Florence” doesn’t elicit the same gut wrenching, stomach turning, anxiety that the name “Katrina” does for me. I hope you don’t learn lessons like I did: to never freeze meat; that toilet paper stored in low places becomes like papier-mâché when wet; store clothes you care less about in bottom drawers and clothes you like the best in higher drawers; always back up your pictures and important documents.

Prepare for the worst and hope and pray for the best.

I genuinely hope that Florence is no one’s “Katrina” – but for those being impacted, I hope you find the love, support, and community that New Orleans found after the storm.

Post-Katrina New Orleans… near my high school

Counseling, Lake Norman Counselors

A Girl’s Best Friend 💎

Let the boys keep the dogs. Diamonds are a girl’s best friend. And with everything that life throws at girls, women need a best friend that’s a diamond.

When I say “diamond,” I don’t mean blindly beautiful, colorful, dazzling, or even valuable – although those are all wonderful qualities in a friend. I like the diamond metaphor because each diamond started out as something else… coal.

When pressure and heat are at a maximum, coal has two options. It can crumble and disintegrate under the pressure, rendering itself useless. Or it can thrive under those conditions, undergo a metamorphosis, & become one of the most valuable symbols in our culture: the diamond.

When shit hits the fan & life is trying its hardest to get you down, you want a friend that can withstand the heat & pressure with you. Not one that will crumble, disintegrate, & desert you in your time of need. You want a diamond. You want someone strong. Someone solid. Someone reliable. And yes, a little bit of color & radiance never hurts either if we’re asking!

So ladies, as you’re taking an inventory of 2017 & preparing for 2018, take a look at your relationships. What friends have been invaluable diamonds worth keeping? And what friends are nasty, cheap costume jewelry that turns your finger green? Get rid of the junk. Make room for more valuable pieces in 2018. You deserve that investment in yourself & your relationships!

Invest in diamonds. 💎