Lake Norman Counselors, Providers

Join Us In Congratulating…

It is an exceptionally exciting week here at Lake Norman Counselors as we are celebrating our fearless leader, Jamie Cheveralls’, most recent accomplishment! Jamie was chosen as one of Charlotte’s Top 30 Under 30: The Future Leaders of Charlotte, Elevate Lifestyle’s Class of 2018! This select group of individuals are chosen each year to highlight the outstanding work that these local professionals are doing in the greater Charlotte area.

From day one, Jamie wanted to ensure that quality, evidence based services were being offered to the Lake Norman community. Jamie has hand selected specialists in the field to guarantee that each person who comes through our doors will receive high quality services that are tailored to meet her or his individual needs. Jamie has dedicated countless hours to making sure that our clients feel comfortable, welcome, and safe in our office and that each client (from 2 to 92 years old) is provided with quality and compassionate care.

We are beyond ecstatic that our colleague’s efforts are being recognized in such an honorable way and are so very proud of our wonderful colleague and friend.

Please join us in congratulating Jamie on this outstanding accomplishment!

Counseling, Lake Norman Counselors

The Art of Procrastination

You should just read this later…

When you woke up this morning, was the nagging voice in your head the first voice that you heard? The voice that said, “you should’ve gotten up earlier to go to the gym.” Or “you should’ve finished that yesterday.” “You should unload the dishwasher.” “You should get some laundry done today, how many days in a row have you worn those pants now?” “You shouldn’t go out looking like this.” “You should’ve replied to that email/text.” “You really should meal prep & plan better lunches.”

Ugh. I’m exhausted from that internal dialogue already, and the day hasn’t even started. Is it time for bed yet?

If you even had a restful night of sleep in the first place, your energy level is going to quickly be depleted if you stay on that current mental trajectory. And you know what we do when we’re drained and exhausted? Nothing. Or at least nothing productive. We procrastinate!

One of the biggest complaints I hear repeatedly from clients (teens & adults) is around lack of motivation, low energy, not accomplishing goals, and procrastination. Well, I have great news. Working with someone like me – a trained cognitive behavioral therapist – can remedy those complaints. It’s hard work. It’s a constant mental battle to change our thoughts & thus our feelings, but we can train ourselves to think differently.

When it comes to procrastination, there’s one word getting in the way – should. “Shouldn’t” is also as equally toxic for our friends caught on semantics. If you re-read that first paragraph, all those draining, exhausting thoughts are should statements.

Here’s the results of should/shouldn’t statements: obligation, guilt, fear, embarrassment, dread, exhaustion, feeling judged, feeling as if we did something wrong, anxiety, anger, rebellion, being in conflict with what we really want or our values, hostility, irritation, lack of motivation… oh! And procrastination. I could continue, but I think you get the point.

Let’s evaluate two statements:

  • I want to go to the gym this morning.
  • I should go to the gym this morning.

How are those two statements different? How do they elicit different feelings? Is one more motivating than the other as you think or say them out loud?

You might follow through and do something you “should” do, but it’s going to be because there’s a sense of obligation, guilt, fear, embarrassment, dread, etc. if you don’t complete the task at hand. When you evaluate your life choices, are those the feelings you want driving your decisions?

Or would you rather be motivated by hope, energy, passion, drive, & enthusiasm? Because we typically correlate those feelings and motivators with what we want. And as a result, we’re more likely to follow through, accomplish our goals, and feel a sense of success or accomplishment as a result. Are you more likely to do something you want to do? Yes!!

Now my biggest skeptics, who typically have a culture of “should” very deeply ingrained (we can get into that in session), usually retort, “But there are things you have to do, things you should do, that don’t make me feel negatively!” Great! Then you’ve already learned how to reframe those “should statements” into “want statements” – so you’re ahead of the game.

Yes, I realize there is a reason I should look both ways before I cross the street. But guess what – I don’t want to get hit by a car today, so I am happy to do that! I want to look both ways to ensure my safety. So that reframe of the should to the want statement is relatively straightforward. It’s much harder when you’re doing work around issues you don’t want to do or when there’s a values conflict between what society/family/religion/etc tells you that you should do versus what you actually want to do.

So what are the best steps to eliminating procrastination & feeling more motivation? Becoming aware of your “should statements” is the first step! There will be a lot of them – so if that’s the case don’t be alarmed or surprised! We all have them.

If motivation & procrastination are an issue for you, please feel free to reach out. I can’t do therapy over a blog article and this is barely scratching the surface of the complexities of this issue! So please let me know how I can help – jamie@lkncounselors.com.

Counseling, Lake Norman Counselors

A Girl’s Best Friend 💎

Let the boys keep the dogs. Diamonds are a girl’s best friend. And with everything that life throws at girls, women need a best friend that’s a diamond.

When I say “diamond,” I don’t mean blindly beautiful, colorful, dazzling, or even valuable – although those are all wonderful qualities in a friend. I like the diamond metaphor because each diamond started out as something else… coal.

When pressure and heat are at a maximum, coal has two options. It can crumble and disintegrate under the pressure, rendering itself useless. Or it can thrive under those conditions, undergo a metamorphosis, & become one of the most valuable symbols in our culture: the diamond.

When shit hits the fan & life is trying its hardest to get you down, you want a friend that can withstand the heat & pressure with you. Not one that will crumble, disintegrate, & desert you in your time of need. You want a diamond. You want someone strong. Someone solid. Someone reliable. And yes, a little bit of color & radiance never hurts either if we’re asking!

So ladies, as you’re taking an inventory of 2017 & preparing for 2018, take a look at your relationships. What friends have been invaluable diamonds worth keeping? And what friends are nasty, cheap costume jewelry that turns your finger green? Get rid of the junk. Make room for more valuable pieces in 2018. You deserve that investment in yourself & your relationships!

Invest in diamonds. 💎